DeviLaugh (devilaugh) wrote,

The Path to Life

Pairing: Changmin/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Um, philosophical?
Drabble: 619 words
Summary: Jaejoong is alone, but he does not feel lonely. They are together even when they do not understand.
A/N: This is prompt 7 in the _starcandy prompt challenge. I've had this idea (and many others) in my head for awhile.

All Jaejoong knows is the stillness of open space and the loneliness of solitude. Except, Jaejoong doesn’t even know if it is loneliness because he’s never met anyone else, not that he is aware of; although, Jaejoong is aware of very little. He’s not even sure if he is a he or a she or just an it, maybe not even that. He feels like he has a conscious, but he’s not even sure if he can feel. All he knows is that he is alone and has always been alone.

He might be moving, but he can’t really tell. The lights around him don’t really move, but they are moving, he knows. Maybe they were all moving relative to each other and in reality, he’s moving too. But in reality, Jaejoong might not even be real. He might just be electrons dancing around a nucleus or shooting past each other to create a current of binary coding. Or perhaps not.

Noise, he can’t make it. He can’t sing, or laugh, or cry, or scream at the top of his lungs until they give out and he is gasping for elusive oxygen. Where he is, there isn’t any oxygen, and Jaejoong doesn’t even have the body to breathe in. Well, he could have a body, one that he can’t currently control, but that isn’t really any better. He must have some sort of body if he is able to see all the other lights around him. They dance and hover, small orbs floating unceremoniously around in their darkness. Yes, it’s their darkness.

Jaejoong is sure he’s seen that exact ball of light hovering around him since he began this journey, and that was a long time ago. And it only occurs to Jaejoong that he too might be a small ball of light, of energy, of pure consciousness simply going along in this wave. He and this ball are attracted to each other, constantly crossing paths in a never ending loop. Even the shape of their paths as they pulse in need and desire is restricted to the lopsided-shape of a side-ways eight, infinity.

It doesn’t matter who this light is—what it is—Jaejoong wants it. He’s developed feelings he shouldn’t even have, and he needs it. For all that he is, simply life in a plane of emptiness and hollow death, Jaejoong should not even be aware of this grueling crossing from afterlife to rebirth, but here he is already forming contracts with other forms of energy. Like some sort of advanced emotional being, Jaejoong desires the other like it his soul mate.

And perhaps it is.

In this state –their simplest, rawest, coldest state –Jaejoong and the other being had already formed a bond that some never do even after traveling down this path a thousand times. But it’s not the first time they have done this, and it certainly won’t be the last.

Jaejoong reaches the end of his journey just slightly ahead of the other during one of their orbits away from each other. He’s born into an adorable child, blessed with a mother and a father, then another mother and father with many children already. In his heart he knows, his other is out there. And two years after his birth, the other enters the world again. They grow into fine young men, each seeking out the other in a way only their souls can understand.

And when they meet, Jaejoong just wants to sing, and laugh, and cry, and scream at the top of his lungs because he has found each other, and he is not lonely, because the other is always there, whether in life or death, or the path between.


Tags: !_starcandy challenge, !prompt writing, length: drabble, pairing: changmin/jaejoong

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