DeviLaugh (devilaugh) wrote,

Stylish Pants

Pairing: Changmin/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Comedy
Summary: Jaejoong might look like a girl and wear women’s jeans, but he is certainly a man.
A/N: Prompt #72 for the challenge.

Changmin will admit that at first glance Jaejoong does resemble a girl. It requires just the quickest of glances with the light just so and his hair the perfect shade of black, framing his face so his cheekbones have the right shape to seem homely. He has to be wearing circle lenses and perhaps a little eyeliner and his lips have to be freshly chewed to bring out their natural rosiness. Under these conditions, one seeing Jaejoong for the first time could mistake him for a girl.

As long as he is completely clothed, because under that pretty face and layers of clothing is a man.

When Changmin first met Jaejoong, he had the sudden urge to introduce himself to his Noona. Then he became flustered that a girl was in the men’s locker room. Then he quickly turned away as that girl started taking off her clothes. Then he hated himself when that girl had no boobs. That girl was a guy. He remained confused. Not the “confused with my sexual orientation” confused, but the “why is there a guy wearing girl’s clothes?” confused.

Yeah, Kim Jaejoong was wearing girl’s pants.

“Well, my waist is really thin, and guy jeans usually just fall off unless I have the right sized belt. My size is really hard to find.” Jaejoong explained after he had taken a shower and was slipping his cleanly shaven legs into the jeans, beautiful rhinestones glittering on his ass pockets.

The real question Changmin wanted to ask was how are your penis and balls not completely squished in those? As far as Changmin knew, women’s jeans didn’t leave room for an essential part of the male anatomy. But the longer he stared at Jaejoong’s body, the less he was sure that Jaejoong wasn’t just a really ugly girl with a flat chest. Except he didn’t have a girl’s body either. Maybe?

Changmin stared at Jaejoong’s body a little too long even after the older had fixed his shirt and combed out his hair. “Your ass is really small.” Jaejoong stopped tying his shoelaces and looked over his shoulder in bewilderment. Changmin stared straight ahead at his posterior.

“Excuse me?”

“Your ass. It’s small. Flat. Tiny. Almost nonexistent.” Changmin declared like a scientist reviewing the expected observations in a mundane experiment. “Really small.”

Jaejoong just quirked an eyebrow. “My sister said that the design on the pocket helps to create more volume back there.” And Changmin is grateful that Jaejoong doesn’t look at him like he’s a freak.

After all, Changmin isn’t the one who wears women’s jeans.

Looking back and forth between Yunho and Jaejoong, they were both quite manly. Jaejoong lifted more weights than Yunho easily, but Yunho lasted longer on the treadmill if they ran at the same speed. When sweat glistened on their faces, drenched their hair, and slid down their necks, the aura of man permeated in the air.

Jaejoong’s shirt was fairly loose and fell straight down from his wide shoulders. A masculine quality. “I heard that women find men with broad shoulders to be more attractive. Back in our Neanderthal days, that was how women judged males to be worthy potential mates and the trait is innately ingrained in them.” Jaejoong paused midway through a bicep curl and gave Changmin a toothy grin.

Women probably did not find thin waists attractive though. As Jaejoong had already said before, his was really fucking tiny. Jaejoong later peeled off his sweaty tee and Changmin had to wonder when his body started to pan out again. That size was not normal. Easily, Changmin could wrap one arm around him and still have room to spare.

“Hey, I’m awesome and all, but I’m sweaty and you’re sweaty, so hands off.” Changmin unwound himself from Jaejoong’s body, brushing his fingers across his navel in the process and causing him to shiver. It was a sexy kind of shiver. Changmin almost expected him to moan. He almost expected him to moan, drop his towel, throw off his workout shorts and underwear, and pin him down to steal a kiss. Almost.

Changmin backed off instantly, stumbling out of the weightlifting room and into the locker room where a nice shower waited for him.

Strut. That was how Changmin described Jaejoong’s walk from his locker to Yoochun’s. A strut. Clad in only boxers, those little ass cheeks and hips swayed ever so slightly to the tune of a very happy man. For what reason, Changmin didn’t know, but Jaejoong was indeed happy.

But the truly peculiar thing was the proportion of Jaejoong’s arms to his thighs. Whose arms were thicker than their thighs? Jaejoong’s. Changmin would understand if Jaejoong had an eating disorder that made his whole body overly skinny, but that wasn’t the case. Jaejoong had really buff arms. His macho levels were off the charts. Perhaps Jaejoong would travel around better on his hands instead of his feet. It sure would help with that knee injury he had in the past. Which knee, no one could tell. They were both knobby and sharp.

Changmin pondered over this evidence as he watched Jaejoong hover by Yoochun and enjoy a fashion magazine with him. Yoochun was already dressed in sweatpants, a hoody, and a large fitting beanie. The irony of the scene made Changmin scoff, but for all he knew, Yoochun really was a fashionista in his daily life. It would make sense that he and Jaejoong would be friends then.

So did Yoochun wear women’s jeans as well?

His frame was certainly alike to Jaejoong’s. It lacked all the muscle and weird angles, but the dimensions were similar. His ass was pretty flat too. Did he also have trouble finding pants to wear? No, Changmin struck that thought down. His thighs weren’t smaller than his arms.

Changmin’s next question was how Jaejoong found shirts that fit around his large biceps.

“Was it plastic surgery?” Changmin asked him over coffee. It’s not a date, just coffee after an early morning workout before work.

Jaejoong gave him a look that said he’d been asked this too many times. Looks like he’d humor him. “What gave it away? My large eyes? My nose? My pouty lips?” With each suggestion he emphasized the part of his face by fluttering his lips, scrunching his nose, and puckering his mouth.

Taking a sip of his coffee, Changmin shook his head. How naïve, Jaejoong. “Your chin is V shaped. It’s a very desirable shape but not one most Koreans are born with naturally. We usually have rounder faces or sharper angles. Did you get your chin shaved?”

Instead of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, Jaejoong burst out laughing. Not even caring that he was disturbing other customers, he banged on the table and tried to get a grip on reality. “Did you really just ask me that? Oh man, that’s a first!”

He never did say if it was true or not.

By chance one night, Changmin saw Jaejoong stumbling home after drinking with his coworkers. He almost went up to him, but he didn’t have the patience to look after his drunken friend. But what the heck, he did have the patience to follow him. Anything was worth learning more about the weird Kim Jaejoong.

He ambled down the streets and fell over signs, head dived into some bushes, and took every side road possible, but he managed to stand upright for the most part. The air was hot and humid, making his shirt cling to his body just a little too much. Changmin followed at a safe distance. Far enough to not be seen; close enough to keep an eye out for perverts. Jaejoong tripped over a patch of grass and stumbled into a park, the perfect place to relieve himself. Changmin hovered behind a light pole and watched as the pretty man unzipped his lady pants and pulled out the prize.

It was all the confirmation Changmin needed to be certain. So the question remained, how did the pants not squeeze the life out of him? Yeah, there were large pants, and he could tuck it away, but the pair of jeans that Jaejoong wore was actually very tight –tight enough that he had a slight ass. The whole concept still confused Changmin to no end, but at least one mystery was solved.

Kim Jaejoong—v-shaped chin, silky white skin, large arms and skinny legs, tiny waist and broad shoulders, pouty pink lips and large eyes—is very much a man.

He pissed for maybe three minutes straight. How much piss could one man carry in his bladder? Of course, Jaejoong drank enough to get him drunk and have a full bladder. It only makes sense. Who can drink to a full bladder and not get hammered? Not Changmin, that’s for sure. Jaejoong could. He put it away and zipped and buttoned his pants, but Changmin caught a glimpse of it. Several centimeters of glaring white on black. Those ears. Those whiskers. That bow. Hello Kitty underwear.

Kim Jaejoong was actually sagging his pants.

“That completely defeats the damn purpose!” Changmin shouted out, not even caring that he sounded like a maniac in the middle of the park, hugging a street light and watching another man pee. No sane man would be able to hold it in. It just simply wasn’t logical. Of all of Jaejoong’s levels of fuckery, wearing women’s jeans because they fit his hips better then sagging them is at the top. Changmin swore again and kicked up some dirt.

Sheepishly, Jaejoong turned to Changmin, acting as if he’d known he was there the whole time. “Of course, it’s to look stylish anyway.”
Tags: !_starcandy challenge, !prompt writing, crack, length: oneshot, pairing: changmin/jaejoong
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