DeviLaugh (devilaugh) wrote,
DeviLaugh
devilaugh

Mangos, Calculus, and the Love Guru

Pairing: Well, Jaejoong and Changmin are the only people in this
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Crack, humor, general
Summary: Changmin and Jaejoong are roommates in their first year of college. Jaejoong is an over-the-phone lover guru.
A/N: Infinite possibilities for sequels because “Jaejoong” is my roommate. Prompt # 25 of the starcandy challenge. Sequel to Candles, among other things, are not allowed. This is totally a new verse and two more parts are already planned out. You should probably read all parts of the roommates!verse to understand.


Really, he put himself in this situation. He should have started studying for this test weeks ago, if not days. But here it is, the day before his calculus midterm, and he is just now looking over the concepts. For some of these problems, he feels like he is learning the material for the first time. To be fair, he feels pretty confident with his progress. Changmin’s last minute study effort seems to be paying off.

He’s well into hour three of his cramming when Jaejoong returns. For the love of God, Jaejoong returns. And he brings with him all the emotional baggage a nineteen year old can carry. For the past few nights, Jaejoong has rekindled his relationship with his ex-girlfriend’s twin brother. Mentally, Changmin keeps track of them like so: Jaejoong dated the female, Party A, and is best friends with Party A’s twin brother, Party B.

To put it in layman terms.

After a few months of distance, Jaejoong and Party B have started communicating verbally and visually again. That means phone calls and skype.

“You shouldn’t be asking me if she loves you. You need to ask yourself if she loves you. And ask yourself if you love her. I can’t make these decisions for you, coward.” For about a good hour, Jaejoong berates Party B about his new love interest. From what Changmin understands, Jaejoong knows Party B’s girl, somehow, and knows her very well. She doesn’t sound like an ex though.

But what does Changmin know? Jaejoong lives a wild life.

Changmin has worked through his previous homework problems (because the midterm will be based on homework) and he starts going over the concepts that he sucks balls at. And so Jaejoong starts skyping with his next client on his love guru hotline. His ex-girlfriend calls, Party A, and now she is asking about this one guy. Seriously, these twins are almost abusing Jaejoong’s incredible repertoire of advice.

This conversation is even more awkward to overhear (and pretend to not hear at all). There are tears for at least a good hour and a half. Changmin’s back is to Jaejoong, so he doesn’t see it per say, but he knows someone is crying when he hears it. Jaejoong is surprisingly emotional and sincere, and Changmin almost feels bad for listening to the crying and whimpering. Almost not at all.

“I want to help you, but it’s not my secret to share with you.” Jaejoong probably feels helpless as he explains this to Party A. Such a good friend, helping his ex-girlfriend with her love problems even after their breakup was so dramatic. “You just have to believe me, he really wants this to work with you.”

Evidently Jaejoong is closely acquainted with the male that Party A is vying for. Jaejoong says “no, I won’t tell you, it’s not my secret to tell,” but Changmin can hear it in his voice and see it in his smile –he really wants to tell Party A this big secret.

And not half an hour later, Jaejoong is excitedly rolling around in his bed as the secret starts spilling from his lips rather easily.

“You have to understand, I loved him, I really did, but he betrayed me.” Changmin visibly shudders when Jaejoong says this; it’s like listening to a K-drama. A really sappy romance one. “We dated for a year and a half, and I thought we would get married one day.”

One thing is for sure, when Jaejoong is in a relationship, he devotes himself to his partner. It’s always aegyo and romantic promises between him and his lover. Changmin witnessed enough of this when Jaejoong was dating Party A. It’s a little odd to hear him admitting he loved someone ever more than his ex… to his ex.

But what’s this, Jaejoong dated a man before? Frankly, at this point, Changmin isn’t even surprised. He clandestinely goes to the fridge and pours himself a cup of mango juice. Eavesdropping is thirsty work. Studying too. He’s doing a lot of that.

“When we dated, he was a she. He was transgender, or at least he thought he was. He really thinks he is a woman and wants to live like one. So we dated, and I had no idea.”

Changmin lowers the volume of the classical music mix on YouTube he’s been listening to enough so he can hear this clearly. What? Jaejoong must be making this stuff up. Like he has watched one too many dramas and now he thinks he is living one. But Jaejoong continues the story smoothly enough that it almost seems real. Changmin wouldn’t have such a hard time believing it if Jaejoong wasn’t such a pathological liar.

“She was a little self-conscious because people always said she wasn’t very feminine looking, but she had such a great personality. She didn’t want to have sex with me, so I respected her. But it turns out she was a he and he didn’t want to have sex with a man yet.” Changmin commends Jaejoong for liking a girl for her personality. He commends Jaejoong for not forcing sex on a girl he dated for a year and half. That’s all Changmin gives Jaejoong.

“The fact that she is coming to you as a he means that he want to be in a relationship with you enough to deny the woman inside means that he really loves you. So just trust yourself and trust that he loves you.”

What is math? What is love? Changmin knows the polar function of a cardioid graph, but he doesn’t know the simple signs of love. Jaejoong does though. And he coaches Party A throughout the rest of the night on how to deal with her love interest. Tears and yelling and the bullshittiest advice ever.

Sometime later, a new voice is on the call. A pretty sounding girl of probably around Jaejoong’s age. The aegyo and sweet words of forever are whispered back and forth. Looks like Jaejoong found a new girlfriend. He is a love guru after all.


At around 4 AM Changmin closes his notebook, finishes the last bit of mango juice in his cup. The deed is done; he has studied as much as he can in one night. Only time can tell what he will get on his calculus midterm now. Only time can tell how Party A and her love will do. Only time can tell if Jaejoong and his girlfriend will stay together.

Sequel: To Be Written
Tags: !_starcandy challenge, !prompt writing, crack, length: drabble, pairing: changmin/jaejoong, roommates!verse
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